Goodbye

Echoing in it somewhere.

I'm at 10,000 feet and climbing, and the plane is languidly banking through the sky, a big metal whale coarsing its body into the ocean, insinuating itself into space and time...

I'm probably just really high. Hour 26 with no sleep and just four hours of sleep before that, Jack Bauer doesn't have shit on me. This is very probably the most beautiful scenic departure from DFW I've ever witnessed. The special cookie I chomped when I was in line at security is settling in nicely with the sleep deprivation, caffeine, and adderall.

A golden lake is unfolding underneath me, welling up from the sprawl of Dallas like blood pooling out o f a stomach wound. Goodbye... echoing in it somewhere is the feelings, the heart ache and terminality I am leaving behind.

Everyone I spent time with in the last few weeks encouraged me with such profound energy and positivity about this, and they're really the only reason I'm here. I've felt nothing but detachment and numbness from the succession of relationships ending, life stopping, and things I've become attached to slipping away.

I'm here now because the only the that makes sense in this chaos is the constancy of a path insisting itself upon me. The universe is talking to me, as it does to all of us, but it's doing it very loudly and dramatically, with lots of exclamation points and powerpoint presentations. In a very short time everything condensed itself into one focus, collapsing the walls around me and forcing me to look to Italy for answers.

A long time ago a very big tree told me I should listen, learn, and grow. Grow like only a tree knows how to grow, through everything. Of course, I was on mushrooms at the time, but it was a huge fucking tree. It's harder to ignore talking things when they're the size of your consciousness. Anyway, I've been having these flashes, like 2 second hallucinations, overlaid on what I'm seeing and experiencing in a moment. It's like putting on 3D glasses when you're just looking at normal things, there's an opaque form laying over the solid one. Sometimes I see places I've been, other times they're unfamiliar.

...I'm fairly certain I'm just rambling now. You can gather what I'm getting at. Stuff is happening. Overarching plans. Cosmic chess. Stellar scrabble.

THINGS I FORGOT

• My memory foam pillow
• A 1/4" to 1/8" jack adapter for my new headphones
• My circadian rhythm
• How to speak Italian
• Dove sono
  

I've just got to remain conscious for another three hours to board the plane from Newark to Rome, then I'm going to turn my brain off on the plane with a whole bunch of Ambien. I'll be arriving tomorrow morning in Italy, so hopefully this will give me a head start on getting my sleep schedule regulated. Or maybe I'll just be exhausted and cranky.

** Crimping can sometimes refer to a kind of fold used in Origami. **

-Sean